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Times are tough in America

Bob Moriarty
Sep 29, 2008

I was sitting at the table on Saturday night trying to figure out which bills to pay. Times are tough. I owe $25 billion on my GM Visa card and they are bitching about payment. I've been paying the minimum and the bastards just raised my interest rate to 31%. My AIG Master Card is sitting at $85 billion and they want to lower my credit limit. Like where am I supposed to raise enough money to pay that down?

My FDIC Sears card is bumping the limit at $150 billion but I may be able to hold them off for another month. It would be nice to have some money for food this month.

Then my brother-in-law Bill comes over. He's a nice guy but he's a crack addict and hits the bottle and my sister a little hard. But a nice guy at heart.

He hits me up for a loan. How can I turn him down? As I said, he's a nice guy. He needs $700 billion. Or is it trillion? Those numbers are so high I can barely cope with them. He needs $700 billion and he needs it now so he can sort out his crack problem. I can understand that, a crack problem needs sorting out.

"Here," I say, "Take my American Express Platinum card and punch it for the $700 billion. They may give you a little bit of a hard time but they know I'm good for it. I pay my bills mostly on time. What's $700 billion between friends?"

I know it's foolish but he really does need help with his crack problem and I want to do everything I can. My friends at American Express are sure to understand.

President: 321gold

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