Home   Links   Editorials

Baghdad Burning

... I'll meet you 'round the bend my friend, where hearts can heal and souls can mend...

By riverbend
Written by river on Apr 1, 2006

April Fool's Day...
Or 'kithbet neesan', as it is known in Arabic.

If the current Iraqi government should choose ANY day for their day- what better day than April 1? It's appropriately named 'Fool's Day', after all.

They have been foolishly trying to get a government together since they first announced the election results. And we've been patiently waiting. It's like being under the threat of punishment for weeks and weeks at a time and finally just wanting to have the punishment over with.

I don't think anyone believes they're going to make any improvements or major changes, we're just tired of waiting for the final formation. People need to know who'll be in power because they want to know who to pay bribes to or get a 'tazkiya' from when they need something done. We need to know which religious party to go to when the Interior Ministry goons take away a relative.

They've been bickering over the Prime Minister's position for so long now, I'm almost wishing Bremer were here to once again implement his whole "Puppet per month" arrangement as in 2003.

In any case, should you want to play an April Fool's Day joke on an Iraqi (albeit a late one- or maybe even next year), I suggest the following:

1. "Guess what?! There's going to be electricity this summer!!!" (For better effect, it is suggested a candle be broken in half and thrown high into the air with a whoop.)

2. "Guess what?! The Americans have declared they will be gone by 2010 and they won't leave permanent bases behind!!!" (This should be said with a straight face.)

3. "Guess what?! They didn't actually find three corpses in the strip of trees two streets away!!!"

4. "Guess what?! The Puppets finally formed a government!!!"

5. "Guess what?! They didn't actually detain [fill in with the name of a relative, friend- everyone knows someone in prison these days]!!!"

6. "Guess what?! Chalabi solved the gasoline crisis!!!"

7. "Guess what?! No more religious militias- they've been banned from the country!!!" (This should be said in a low voice - just in case)

8. "Great news!! The US is going to make public how the billions of dollars in Iraqi oil money AND donations were 'spent'!!!"

9. "Guess what?! They're going to actually begin reconstructing the country and they estimate it will take 5 years!!!"

10. "Guess what?! They caught Zarqawi!!!" (This will only work on Iraqis who actually think he exists.)

- posted by river @ 10:46 PM

riverbend Archives

321gold Inc